Really having a hard time today.

Last week was a tough week. I’m feeling stuck and don’t think I made any progress. If my weight changes, it goes up and then back down to what it was. I can’t get past 137 pounds. I got down to 136.6 in December and went up. Hit that number again last week…and then went back up. I acknowledge that 137 pounds is a perfectly healthy weight and that my body fat is also healthy. But I’m in training. I’ve invested so much in this training. And to do the thing I want to do, I want my body fat to be around 16%. I want to be done with the fat loss part. I want to focus on gaining muscle. A major frustration for this “numbers” person is that I don’t know what my body fat actually is, but I know it is above a 22%.

My diet is clean and I’m feeding myself the proper nutrients at the proper time – I think. But my diet is not perfect. For the last couple of weekends, I ate more. I didn’t have calorie deficits because I wasn’t bothered by this plateau then. I am now. So this weekend I’m going to follow the plan and see if that makes a difference.
I know why I’m in this funk. The other parts of my life are not working well right now. I think that stress is starting to wear on me. Random little thoughts like “this isn’t worth it”, “it’s too hard”, “it’s too expensive”, and “I’m too busy” keep popping up. I push them aside, but they are getting louder. I thought I was just tired, but I got a good night’s sleep and I feel the same way this morning.
Yesterday, I took a few minutes to look at photos of female bodybuilders online. That usually motivates me. Instead, it deflated me. I look at what I’ve done and compare it to where I was two years ago, and I’m happy. But when I look at where I want to go, it seems impossible. And selfish. And vain.
I will continue to follow my routines and hope I can snap out of this funk soon. I’m sure it’s just a temporary and predictable cycle in training. Others who have gone before me probably recognize it.

1 Comment

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One response to “Really having a hard time today.

  1. B H

    Keep in mind, being tired might not just be a matter of one day's rest. You train hard, nearly every day for multiple hours sometimes, your body overall has to be tired.

    Fitness and our goals are never straight lines and you're getting to the point where it will be harder and harder….add stress into the equation and it can only compound it. Just be mentally ready for these hurdles and you'll overcome them, you have a great support system available to you already, use it! 😉


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