Last week was a tough week. I’m feeling stuck and don’t think I made any progress. If my weight changes, it goes up and then back down to what it was. I can’t get past 137 pounds. I got down to 136.6 in December and went up. Hit that number again last week…and then went back up. I acknowledge that 137 pounds is a perfectly healthy weight and that my body fat is also healthy. But I’m in training. I’ve invested so much in this training. And to do the thing I want to do, I want my body fat to be around 16%. I want to be done with the fat loss part. I want to focus on gaining muscle. A major frustration for this “numbers” person is that I don’t know what my body fat actually is, but I know it is above a 22%.
My diet is clean and I’m feeding myself the proper nutrients at the proper time – I think. But my diet is not perfect. For the last couple of weekends, I ate more. I didn’t have calorie deficits because I wasn’t bothered by this plateau then. I am now. So this weekend I’m going to follow the plan and see if that makes a difference.
I know why I’m in this funk. The other parts of my life are not working well right now. I think that stress is starting to wear on me. Random little thoughts like “this isn’t worth it”, “it’s too hard”, “it’s too expensive”, and “I’m too busy” keep popping up. I push them aside, but they are getting louder. I thought I was just tired, but I got a good night’s sleep and I feel the same way this morning.
Yesterday, I took a few minutes to look at photos of female bodybuilders online. That usually motivates me. Instead, it deflated me. I look at what I’ve done and compare it to where I was two years ago, and I’m happy. But when I look at where I want to go, it seems impossible. And selfish. And vain.
I will continue to follow my routines and hope I can snap out of this funk soon. I’m sure it’s just a temporary and predictable cycle in training. Others who have gone before me probably recognize it.