I only think of you after I’ve accomplished something. I told you I would do this. I asked for your help. I told you I was serious and committed.
But you did not believe me. You didn’t believe in me.
So when I think of you, I wonder if you have any idea what a colossal error in judgement that was? Do you realize that being jaded and short sighted hurt me at the time? But it turns out that I used that pain as fuel when I had nothing in the tank. There were several winter mornings when I didn’t want to get up at 3:30 am to head to the gym, but the thought that you might be right helped me swing my feet to the floor and out the door.
I wonder if you know that I have a growing online following approaching 5000, have clients of my own, am working with one of the top coaches in this area, and am working on a book? Not bad for someone who you didn’t think could compete at all. Two last place finishes in two shows.
And about those placings – they fuel me, too, which is why I choose to phrase it as I do. They were accurate. Despite the weaknesses in my physique’s development, I am not ready emotionally. My division is Women’s Physique and I respect the dues paid by the competitors on stage with me. I have not paid mine yet. I’ve learned a lot from the process, and when the time is right, I’ll be ready. A friend shared this quote with me today:
“Don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens – The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” ~ John Steinbeck
While your doubt was an error from your perspective, and painful and confusing to me at the time, I’m grateful for it now. How things unfolded for me is well documented. I hope you learned something from your mistake, but I doubt it. Egos interfere with learning some lessons.