Fall Down 7 Times…

First alarm goes off at 3 am.  Snooze activated.

Second alarm goes off at 3:15.  That’s when I get up.

Feed the dogs.  Heat up coffee and my usual preworkout meal – sweet potatoes with a half scoop of vanilla whey.

Grateful when I don’t have to scrape the windshield.

By 4 am, I’m at the gym warming up.  And then I get to lift.

I get to work about 6:15.  Quiet morning time to organize the day.  Once school starts, I’ve got 34 teenagers walking through the door every 75 minutes.  Keeping them actively engaged (and hopefully learning) for a 70 minute class period takes a bit of quiet morning organization.  By 2:35 pm, I’m completely depleted of energy.

I start my weekdays this way out of habit now.  Some mornings I don’t want to get out of bed, but not often.  I’ve been doing this a long time.  Two thousand, four hundred, and sixteen days since I started.  Most of those days, I didn’t quit.  When I’m mentally beat up, I throw my hands up in a dramatic “this is BS” fashion and quit for the rest of the day.  I don’t sabotage my eating, because I might want to start again.   Those few hours of a mental separation from this lifestyle that can be overwhelming help me relax and regroup.  I’m good to go again by 3 am the next morning.

I know I’ve accomplished a lot.  I proud of that and what I’ve been able to do, especially when I didn’t know I could do these things.  Many fears have been faced.  I still appreciate that some things I do in the gym everyday were things that used to intimidated me.

On Day 1, I didn’t know I was going to be a bodybuilder.  That didn’t begin to be a plan until sometime around Day 365.  Since then, I’ve competed a few times.  Placed last every time.  I’m not used to that.  I’ve always accomplished goals I set because I believe hard work pays off and time is relative.  But I will be 54 years old in a couple of weeks, so time isn’t as relative as it used to be.  To keep going, I remind myself that I haven’t worked hard enough for long enough to accomplish what I want to accomplish – yet.  I’m certain it’s going to be a great story about “paying dues” at some point.


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Filed under Competing, Life

7 responses to “Fall Down 7 Times…

  1. Kathleen Paine

    Thanks! I needed that!

    • Hello i found your website when I was looking for inspiration for a 50’s something lady like me. So tired of looking at the websites and seeing these cut up jacked up fitness models with tag lines saying you too can achieve this. You actually give me something to aspire to that I feel is realistic for me. I know from your perspective its disappointing that you placed last but for someone like me looking at your grit and your journey and what you’ve been able to accomplish, you rank No. 1 for me. Thank you for the inspiration and all the information you have in your blog. Maybe you could be a coach for me at some point? thank you so much

  2. Dear Tammy,

    this week my personal trainer asked me to envision myself at age 50 and the only face I could see in front of me was you. You placed first for me…

    I am struggling to lose weight, and just keep going to gym, lifting and doing what I know helps my mind. But through it all, it is your picture that I see when I think of myself at 50.

    Thank you.

  3. butterflymornings47

    As always…inspiration. Thank you.

  4. Hallo! I just want to say hallo… I’m a 47-years old teacher from germany who starts with 43 to change my life. At first just sport to help to reduce my weight..But than my love to Bodybuilding starts… and I found your story! I’m a great fan from you!

  5. I definitely feel you on this one

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