Tag Archives: health transformation

WHY Did I Keep Quitting?

DISCLAIMER: As much as I’d like to have a visit with you if you think I might be the right coach for you, this post isn’t about coaching. Even if you work with someone, they might just focus on the program and not get into a topic like this – even though it’s critical for long term success. This post is based on my personal journey since 2010. I don’t expect it to resonate with everyone, but it might help one person.

You’ve done it before.  You’ve started a program.  And…then you quit.

I started and quit many times.

And then something changed. 

You might know my story, but I’m digging a bit deeper in this post.

There are several things that contribute to “success”.  Let’s use a working definition of success in terms of a heath transformation as…

HEALTH TRANSFORMATION SUCCESS: Sticking with a program long enough to reach a goal and then having the tools to maintain it.

I didn’t have the THE mysterious thing that I needed to make a health transformation success happen before. Was it a piece of knowledge I was missing? Was it a character flaw? Was it a weakness in my personality??

And then *POOF* it all clicked. It made sense.

It wasn’t fear of dying early was on my mind this whole time, even though the doctors were quite clear about that risk. That was the catalyst for the real work I needed to do.

It was a mindset shift! I needed to figure out WHY I was OK with quitting repeatedly. That’s actually out of character for me.

I needed to be willing to be vulnerable, get my ego out of the way, and be brutally honest with myself as I looked for answers to questions I didn’t want to ask.

I did this to myself.  That’s obvious.  But WHY?????

The reflective work to find the “WHY do I keep quitting” was THE thing I needed to do.

Highly successful people have demonstrated motivation and determination in other areas of their lives.  But they will still sabotage their own self-care!  Right?  I did.  And then I used “lack of motivation” as an excuse.   Or blamed my screwed-up priorities. Those are easy to grab.

But they aren’t the reasons. They are the results of something else.

As a math teacher, I dealt with this daily. Apathetic teens were willing to give up the high school diploma instead of challenging their fixed mindset about how they couldn’t learn algebra and/or geometry. (And I suspect there is at least one adult reading this right now who probably had to power through that particular mindset, too!)

This health stuff and the math stuff are more closely related than most people think.

Be brave.  Ask yourself the hard questions…

  • WHY are you repeating this pattern?
  • Why don’t you think you deserve to fix this??

It doesn’t matter if you’re doing this alone or working with a trainer or coach.  If quitting feels like a better option than pushing through and figuring out WHY you want to quit, there is something underneath that is the driver for what you might think is a a lack of motivation or a weakness in your determination-muscle.

Even if you have a coach who is willing to engage in the work with you about these hard questions, if you’re not willing to dig in, the result will be the same.  The pattern will repeat.

My hard truth was that I didn’t believe I deserved to treat myself better. It felt like I hadn’t earned it.

My self-worth was based on what I did for others.  I was invisible unless I was reflected in another person’s opinion of me.  I wasn’t actually me.  I was some type of character in my own life based on my “roles” (wife, teacher, daughter, sister, etc). 

I’m NOT blaming anyone other than myself for how I felt.  No one expected me to become invisible – quite the contrary. 

People usually want the people they love to be happy and thriving.  But I wasn’t happy, wasn’t thriving, and nothing was going to change until I figured out why I didn’t care enough to change.

I’m not a psychologist, so I’m sure there is more under there to explore, but I needed to have the epiphany that I wasn’t properly caring for one of God’s kids…me.  I needed to step back and look at what was really going on.

And I needed to accept that my self-neglect, which I thought was honorable because I was putting others first, would actually harm them over time as I developed more serious health issues.

Sick, unhappy Tammy would not be a good partner for my husband and would not be a good teacher for my students.

After that, I approached everything like it was a problem at work.  What’s not working?  What will fix it?  Work. The. Problem.

The answer for me was to give up pretending I knew what I was doing, give up control, get help, and do what I was told.  Period.

I resigned to trust that process and be patient.

There have been a few changes on “Team Tammy” as people either needed to leave or I needed something different.  That’s OK and expected.  It’s part of the growth process.  If you take this route of working with a trainer or coach, your job is to find the right one to be on your team.

Refer to DISCLAIMER above! I am NOT the right coach for everybody. Not even going to pretend that’s the case. There are plenty of coaches and trainers out here doing this work online and in person. Do your research. Trust your gut!

My underlying resolve to keep all of this going for myself remains in tact because I was able to adopt a mindset that values self-care without making it seem like selfishness.

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Filed under Life, Motivation, Weight Loss

I’m an Author! OMG!!!

Holy cow!! This happened!!!  Check that off the bucket list!

This book as been in the planning stages since 2013.  I’m glad I didn’t write it back then.  The period from 2015 to 2017 was intense with respect to staying on track and struggling with the mental game.  There were lessons to be learned and my ego needed to be beat up a bit to learn them.

My perspective on how to sustain a “fit life” is more balanced now.  I tried to get all of that into this book so it will become a handbook for “how not to quit” along with some practical tips about eating and such.

When I finished teaching in June, I made a plan to write this book in 30 days.  Took a few weeks longer.  But hey!  It’s up now!  Yay!!!

My inner math nerd did my very best to go live with the book on Amazon on August 18 at 8:18 am.  Yes.  That’s 8/18/18 at 8:18 am (if you write your dates like we do here in the states).  Hahahaha!

While I wait for Amazon to set up the “Inside this Book” feature, I thought I’d share the intro with you here.  These are images of the actual pages in the book.  (Pause the slideshow to read.  Maybe increase the zoom on browser, too.)

 

 

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I’d like to thank my husband, Paul, for helping me with the cover.  (If you remember – there was a banner behind me on stage with a picture of a guy in board shorts. Check out Paul’s self-imposed 77-day boot camp adventure here.)

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Next step – get the Kindle version up.  That shouldn’t take long.  Just need to check on the formatting to make sure it looks good as an ebook.

Eventually – Audible.  That may take a bit longer.  I learned I can do that as a self-publishing author.   Yay!   I want to narrate and edit it myself, so I need to watch some tutorials about how to do that.

If you want to purchase the paperback book on Amazon, you’ll get it speedy quick!

If you want a signed copy, that will take longer because you’re getting that from me.  I’m waiting for my copies to arrive, then I’ll write in your copy, then mail it off.  Limited supplies on that option, so click here.  If you get a order form, there are still some left!

When the copies I ordered arrived, I will be randomly drawing a name or two from the mailing list and sending off a free copy.  If you’re not on my mailing list but would like to be, you can join us over here.

If you would like me to be your Accountability Coach or Nutrition Consultant, click here for more information.

 

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Filed under Books, Faith, Life, Nutrition, Organization Tips, Weight Loss, Workouts

It’s Getting Real Now

41 days left as a public teacher.

Making progress through the checklist towards retirement…

  • Turned in my resignation letter.

  • Met with rep at Human Relations. (A lovely young woman named Caitlyn.  Grateful for the chance to meet her!)

  • Putting together the paperwork for the state retirement system.  (More complicated than it should be.)

  • Signed my school district’s Letter of Intent yesterday, but this time, for the first and only time, I had to choose the “I reject employment…” option.

That “I reject…” declaration threw me for a loop and triggered a little spike in cortisol that lasted for another 8 hours.


I’m excited and thrilled to take the risk to work for myself.  But I’m also nervous, praying, a little scared – all the feels.  This is a major life change.  


Our state striped away a lot of retirement benefits almost 10 years ago.  Even though I’m retiring early, I wouldn’t get much more if I stayed longer.  


So my last day with classes is June 11.  Teachers have an extra day on June 12.  My teaching contract is split over 12 months, so that is done at the end of July.


I’ve been working steadily since last fall to set up my online math tutoring business, www.OnlineGeometryTutor.com.  I’m not known online as a math teacher, so I knew creating content for that would take time.


Still working on the details of the online fitness service I want to offer. 


From my own experiences with this health transformation and talking to a lot of people about their struggles, frustrations, and *most importantly* the obstacles that prevent them from sticking with the plan, 
I know there is a need for something more than a plan on a spreadsheet.


There is a need for something more than just being told or shown what to do.  


Even me, working with one of the best bodybuilding coaches in the industry,  with his scary-smart programming, with my determination, work-ethic, and the experience of five competitions –
it’s still hard


Life happens for all of us, but life is also different for some of us. 


It’s a bit of a different challenge when you’re a middle-aged adult with adult responsibilities.


It’s a slightly different challenge when there are people counting on you who might not be able (or willing) to accept that your self-care is just as important as the role you play in their lives.


People assume that the thing they are missing is some character trait.  Maybe.  Maybe not. 
 What if it is something I can teach?  What if it’s something you know but just need support to bring it to the surface?


I’m in “plan mode” now until I’m done with the day job.  My first priority are the kiddos in my classes now.  And then I need to pack up my teacher life and turn in keys.


And then probably have a bit of a cry, take some time to decompress, and enjoy the backyard patio my husband is fixing up for “retirement” as I write this post.


If you’re on my
mailing list, I promise – you will be first to know when I have something to offer!

***

Training is progressing, but it makes for a boring blog post.  I think I’m max testing next week.  THAT should be interesting!  I’ve been growing.  🙂

2 Comments

Filed under Life, Teaching